WBRS Sports Blog

At 37-67, 33 games out of first place, the Kansas City Royals are not only bad but abysmal. In fact, I don't think they are worthy of playing on a night-in night-out basis against the other 29 Major League teams. So I am exercising my one-day commissioner privileges that Bud Selig granted me a few years back after I B-12'ed myself to a slight victory over the Commish in an intense push-up competition. Thus, I present to you, the new team in Kansas City...The Rookie Royals

I can't remember a year that had such a talented rookie class, so I decided to see if I could put together a full, competitive team made solely of rookies. Looking at it, I think it would easily make the playoffs and be quite dangerous:

Staring Lineup
C Russell Martin, LAD (.298, 5 HR, 44 RBI)
1B Prince Fielder, MIL (.290, 19 HR, 54 RBI)
2B Dan Uggla, FLA (.296, 15 HR, 59 RBI)
SS – Hanley Ramirez, FLA (.262, 9 HR, 32 RBI)
3B – R. Zimmerman, WAS (.287, 13 HR, 68 RBI)
OF– Adam Ethier, LAD (.345, 10 HR, 40 RBI)
OF– Jeremy Hermida, FLA (.288, 4 HR, 32 RBI)
OF– Josh Willingham, FLA (.263, 15 HR, 53 RBI)

Bench
C Mike Napoli, LAA (.251, 12 HR, 29 RBI)
1B Mike Jacobs, FLA (.288, 14 HR, 54 RBI)
2B Ian Kinsler, TEX (.302, 8 HR, 31 RBI)
OF Nick Markakis, BAL (.293, 3 HR, 28 RBI)
OF Jason Kubel, MIN (.273, 8 HR, 25 RBI)

Starting Rotation
SP Francisco Liriano, MIN (12-2, 1.96 ERA)
SP Justin Verlander, DET (13-4, 2.69 ERA)
SP Jered Weaver, LAA (7-0, 1.51 ERA)
SP – Josh Johnson, FLA (8-5, 2.60 ERA
SP – Jon Lester, BOS (5-1, 3.49 ERA)

Bullpen
LR Scott Olsen, FLA (9-4, 3.79 ERA)
LR Anibal Sanchez, FLA (4-1, 4,46 ERA)
MR Ramon Ramirez, COL (3-2, 2.93 ERA)
MR Adam Wainwright, STL (2-1, 2.67 ERA)
SP Jonathan Broxton, LAD (2-0, 3.26 ERA)
SP Joel Zumaya, DET (5-1, 2.22 ERA)
CL Jonathan Papelbon, BOS (2-1, 29 SV, 0.51 ERA)

Mascot
The Chorizo, MIL (0-1, with a third place finish)

There's not really a CF or a back-up SS (though Kinsler did come up as a SS), but those are the only flaws I can find. There wouldn't be a single easy out in that line-up, the pitching is fantastic and I can't believe there'd be a better bullpen than that in the league (the Zumaya-Broxton-Papelbon end is downright scary).

Additionally, if you were to add players that just came up (i.e. Howie Kendrick, Carlos Quentin) this team would be even better in the future.

My friend Ian was watching the Yankees play the Devil Rays this past Friday evening on MLB.TV. During the pre-game show of the Devil Rays feed, as they went to commercial my friend noticed that the audio feed was still open and audible to all MLB.TV viewers. I was always curious what exactly broadcasters said during all those commercial breaks...now you can find out. We have caught the Devil Ray broadcasters checking out hot girls in the Yankee Stadium crowd (including Shannen Doherty), mocking the famous Yankee Stadium PA Bob Sheppard, and even insisting that Nelly's Heart of a Champion is so bad that Commissioner Bud Selig should ban the song from all Major League stadiums...all in just one commercial break! It is quite funny stuff.

For those of you that don't know Carl Monday, he is an investigative reporter for WKYC-TV in Cleveland, Ohio. Monday has won 30 regional Emmy Awards and has recently gained widespread fame for an investigative report, conducted in late May, spotlighting the wide-spread viewing of on-line pornography in Cleveland public libraries. The video clip of the report has become extremely popular on the internet and can be viewed here, as well as a follow-up report here.

The now famous Mr. Monday has gracefully agreed to sit down with us and answer a few of our questions...

WBRS Sports: You have most recently sparked national interest as a result of catching Michael Cooper pleasuring himself in a Cleveland public library. How widespread of a problem is this in libraries around the nation?

Carl Monday: I can't speak for libraries in other cities, although I did get a couple of calls or e-mails of similar incidents after our report aired. Don't recall exactly where. We did find several other cases locally when we reviewed our incident reports. Usually, though, it happens in the bathrooms.

WBRS Sports: It seems as though Mr. Cooper will not face prison time. Do you believe jail time is not only warranted but necessary for Mr. Cooper to truly learn his lesson?

Carl Monday: Under the circumstances, the sentence seems fair. He could still face jail time...albeit 30 days, if he doesn't meet certain conditions...most importantly, some counseling. It's his first offense of this nature, so the court had to take that into consideration. We don't wish Mr. Cooper any ill will. We hope he gets his life together.

WBRS Sports: How do you feel about the fact that your news broadcast in which you catch Mr. Cooper pleasuring himself is an extremely popular video on the internet. It has been featured on many sites, such as Deadspin. Is this a good thing?

Carl Monday: Any time you can draw attention to a problem it's a positive. With that said, I feel the story has received exposure disproportionate to the seriousness of the crime. However, if we have put parents and libraries on alert that this sort of thing is happening, then we accomplished what we set out to do.

WBRS Sports: Some people only know about you because of the incident involving Michael Cooper. What has been the focus of some of your other hard-hitting investigations throughout your talented and celebrated career?

Carl Monday: I've been doing this mover thirty years...mostly in Cleveland. During that time, we've done a little of just about everything. We uncovered the dumping of hazardous waste at Hopkins Airport. The stories led to the firing and federal conviction of the airport commissioner. We exposed theft of money and food from Catholic Hunger Centers..leading to convictions and prison time. We exposed bribes to pass polluting vehicles in the state's E-Check program. A local doctor went to prison for five years, after we exposed the overdoes..suicide deaths of three of his patients over a four month period. It was the first time in Ohio a physician was convicted for the overdoes deaths of his patients. A city food labeling law was passed after we uncovered the sale of dated food. And the city, just last week, passed a new law to crackdown on the fencing of stolen metals at area metal recycling plants..after we reported on the problem.

This is just a sample of some two thousand investigative reports I've aired during my 22 years at Fox 8...and the last five years here at WKYC in Cleveland.

// posted by Mini Me @ 12:53 PM
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We're not quite done with the NBA offseason yet, but the custom of incompetent NBA GMs making stupid offseason decisions lives on. So, to commemorate the annual tradition that is the NBA offseason craze, we here at the WBRS Sports Blog (specifically me) have started a unique rating system known as the Ricky Bobby Stupidity Scale. Each team will be rated on a scale of 1 to 10 checkered flags, with one being the least stupid and 10 being the most stupid.


"NBA Executives are not thinkers! NBA Executives are basketball people!"

Atlanta Hawks-On the plus side, 2004 #2 pick Marvin Williams dominated a bunch of second-rate NBA players in the Rocky Mountain Revue and the Hawks filled their point guard hole by signing Speedy Claxton for the mid-level exception. Of course, they could have drafted Chris Paul instead of Williams in 2005, re-signed Al Harrington, and still signed Claxton to back up Paul , but that would have made too much sense. In addition, saw their first-round pick Shelden Williams look lost in summer league play, while #7 pick Randy Foye won the MVP. Apparently, Williams finally realized that he wasn't allowed to elbow his defender when executing a drop step. Ricky Bobby Says: 5 checkered flags

Boston Celtics-Does Danny Ainge have any idea what he's doing? Does he have some sort of wager with Isaiah Thomas to see who can assemble the most jumbled roster? This offseason, he has surrounded Paul Pierce with the following players.

• Sebastian Telfair: Tiny point guard who can't shoot. Great for all the double-teams Pierce will face.
• Rajon Rondo-A poor man's Telfair.
• Theo Ratliff-A center who can't score and peaked 4 years ago as a defensive presence.
  
• Allan Ray, Leon Powe, and Kevin Pittsnogle-Good luck seeing the court behind Telfair, Rondo, Delonte West, Al Jefferson, Ryan Gomes, and Kendrick Perkins!
  

Combine all those players with Delonte West, Gerald Green, Al Jefferson, Kendrick Perkins, Wally Szczerbiak, Tony Allen, and Brian Scalabrine, and you get the biggest mess Boston has ever seen. Get ready for one step forward, two steps back, and the worst team in Celtics history. They better get Iverson just to save face. Ricky Bobby Says: 9 checkered flags

Charlotte Bobcats-The Bobcats have to be stoked that Michael Jordan is a part owner of their franchise. After all, who better to lead the young NBA franchise on the path to mediocrity than Air Jordan himself. He really put the Wizards back on the map by drafting Kwame Brown and trading Richard Hamilton for Jerry Stackhouse. With his first NBA draft, Jordan selected Gonzaga forward Adam Morrison, who proceeded to dominate the West Coast Conference...I mean, the Summer League. Who better to be the poster boy for agonizing mediocrity than the man who lay crying on the ground in his last college game. Ricky Bobby Says: 6 checkered flags.

Chicago Bulls-No team should be better equipped to challenge the Minneapolis Lakers next season for the 1952 NBA crown than the Chicago Bulls. In the new wide-open era of the NBA, the Bulls have ensured that they will never have enough scoring to be a championship team. I imagine this is what was going through John Paxton's head this offseason.

"Ben Wallace was once the defensive player of the year! Who cares if he can't score, he's definetly worth 15 million a year until he is 36. Tyrus Thomas blocked 5 shots against Shelden Williams and Duke! He's definetly a better pick than LaMarcus Aldridge! Adrian Griffith started for Dallas last year! He's definetly a better long-term option than J.R. Smith, who has no upside at age 20. P.J. Brown? He's a great intangibles guy who is a much better option down the road than 23-year old Tyson Chandler. Hey, if the New York Knicks can win a championship in the 90s, so can we! What's that? They didn't win the 1994 championship? M.J. told me he felt sorry for them and retired just so they could win one." Ricky Bobby Says: 4 checkered flags.

Cleveland Cavaliers-5 days and counting until the inevitable 5 year, 55 million contract offer to Drew Gooden...Ricky Bobby Says: Incomplete

Dallas Mavericks-Getting rid of the Brokeback Mountain duo of Marquis Daniels and Darrell Armstrong is a bad omen, I'm telling you. Who will Dirk Nowitzki share stories of his wild times with Steve Nash with next year? Ricky Bobby Says: 1 checkered flag.

Denver Nuggets-Seeing as how they didn't have enough mediocre injury-prone power forwards on their roster last year, locking up Nene for 60 million plus fills an immediate glaring need. After all, Kenyon Martin is going to need a buddy in the training room next season. Ricky Bobby Says: 8 checkered flags.

Golden State Warriors-Chris Mullen shrewdly realized that Golden State's biggest problem was locker room amusement, so he signed a 5 year, 60 million dollar deal with Killerspin to get a free ping-pong table. Following that purchase, he traded Derek Fisher to the Utah Jazz for a pack of ping-pong balls and cash. Mullen also drafted Patrick O'Bryant, who should be a great coat hanger for the next 10 years. Ricky Bobby Says: 8 checkered flags.

Houston Rockets-Anytime you can trade a potential superstar and an athletic forward for a Duke graduate, you make that trade in a heartbeat. In a related story, the Rockets have decided to bring Cherokee Parks and Christian Laettner out of retirement. Ricky Bobby Says: 7 checkered flags.

Indiana Pacers-Having noticed the incredible success the Atlanta Hawks have had over the last two years playing without a point guard, the Pacers have decided mold themselves in Atlanta's image and trade away their only healthy point guard for the Brokeback duo. Marquis Daniels, Stephen Jackson, Al Harrington, Danny Granger, and Jermaine O'Neal will cause so many matchup problems. If only they could share the basketball. Ricky Bobby Says: 5 checkered flags.

Los Angeles Clippers-Boy, that Tim Thomas guy offers a ton of upside for only 24 million dollars. After all, he is only 29 years old and has teased us with his potential for the last 9 years. He's definetly going to finally have a breakout year next year, I can feel it. Ricky Bobby Says: 2 checkered flags.

Los Angeles Lakers-Vladimir Radmanovic is a perfect fit to be the guy who stands out at the three point line and talks to Jack Nicholson while Kobe Bryant dribbles around on the other side. And who better to dribble the ball to half court, pass to Kobe, and stand in the middle of the half-court circle than a local guy like Jordan Farmar? It's clear Mitch Kupchak is really thinking of making the fans happy at the Staples Center. Ricky Bobby Says: 6 checkered flags.

Memphis Grizzlies-Like a groundhog waiting for the middle of the winter to reappear, Jerry West came out of his 2-year shell to continue ripping off incompetent GMs across the league. But while acquiring Rudy Gay, Stromile Swift, Kyle Lowry, and Alexander Johnson were all shrewd moves, West's best decision was to throw-in Pau Gasol's shaving kit in the Shane Battier deal, thereby ensuring that Gasol will get outplayed in every single playoff series throughout his career. Ricky Bobby Says: 1 checkered flag.

Miami Heat-The Heat have been quiet this offseason, but it is because they are putting all their resources in tracking down former coach Stan Van Gundy to replace the soon-to-retire Pat Riley behind the bench. Ricky Bobby Says: Incomplete

Milwaukee Bucks-See Indiana Pacers blurb. Ricky Bobby Says: 2 checkered flags.

Minnesota Timberwolves-Who better to surround a superstar like Kevin Garnett than three shoot-first combo guards who will never let him get the ball? The next time Mike James, comes down and jack up a 24 foot three-pointer with 17 seconds left on the shot clock, don't be surprised if you see Kevin Garnett go Tom Cruise on him and start acting crazy. Ricky Bobby says: 5 checkered flags.

New Jersey Nets-Desperately needing a big man with no offensive or defensive ability, the Nets selected Josh Boone with the 23rd pick of the draft. Apparently, 22nd pick Marcus Williams found a way to steal the Nets' draft board from their war room. Ricky Bobby Says: 2 checkered flags.

New Orleans Hornets-After opening up loads of cap space in the last two years, this is what the Hornets have to show for it: A soft European forward who peaked two years ago, an overrated big man who can't score and will soon command a Nene-like contract, an injury prone shooting guard in a point guard's body, and two big man projects that will take time to develop. When Chris Paul demands a trade in 5 years, this offseason will be the reason why. Ricky Bobby Says: 6 checkered flags.

New York Knicks-The Knicks got two huge steals with the 20th and 29th picks. Renaldo Balkman is a name many people have not heard of, but he is going to be a cross between a Charles Barkley and Dennis Rodman for the next 20 years. I can't believe that 19 teams decided to pass up on such a talent. Mardy Collins is probably the most unique point guard to come out of the draft since Penny Hardaway, and will anchor the Knicks backcourt for the next 15 years, just like Penny anchored Orlando's backcourt throughout his career. Wait a minute, who am I kidding, I'm not Isaiah Thomas. Ricky Bobby Says: 10 checkered flags.

Orlando Magic-"Taking J.J. Redick with the 11th pick in the draft was awesome with a capital A, baby! I know a lot of people were saying that Orlando should have picked a more athletic player like Ronnie Brewer down at Arkansas or Rodney Carney at Memphis, but neither of those guys played for 4 years in college for Mike Krzyzewski and the great Duke University! I realize that Redick's back may be a problem baby, but I'm telling you, Redick will follow other great Dukies like Bobby Hurley, Trajan Langdon, and Jason Williams as the next great Duke NBA Player! J.J. is going to be a PTPer, the mayor of Orlando baby!" Ricky Bobby Says: 7 checkered flags.

Philadelphia 76ers-After rejecting a trade proposal that would have sent Gerald Green, Carlos Boozer, AND Randy Foye to the city of brotherly love, Phily GM Billy King has decided that he'd rather field a team that will be mediocre until 2017 than a team that will compete in a couple years. Hey, as long as they don't trade The Answer...Ricky Bobby Says: 8 checkered flags.

Phoenix Suns-Having decided that they are too good for draft picks, the Phoenix Suns put both of their first-round draft picks up on E-Bay for anyone to purchase. Apparently, they didn't learn their lesson in 2004, when they sold the 7th overall pick to the Bulls, passing up on the chance to select Luol Deng or Andre Iguodala. They followed that by signing second-rate point guard Marcus Banks and actively pursuing all-star bench-warmer John Salmons. All the while, Amare Stoudamire is risking his knee with the U.S. Olympic Team, and all the Suns have behind him is the similarly injury-prone Kurt Thomas. Ricky Bobby Says: 7 checkered flags.

Portland Trailblazers-On the positive side, the Trailblazers made lots of changes. Unfortunately, the two players they most needed to get rid of, Zach Randolph and Darius Miles, remain with the team. Ricky Bobby Says: 5 checkered flags.

Sacramento Kings-Sensing that they needed to upgrade their 5th string shooting guard, the Kings went out and signed John Salmons to play behind Bonzi Wells, Kevin Martin, Quincy Douby, and Francisco Garcia. In other news, upon a trade proposal that would have sent Wells to Milwaukee for Jamaal Magloire, Ron Artest called the deal off, saying he would throw a television at Wells if he even thought of leaving the Kings.

San Antonio Spurs-With the acquisitions of Matt Bonner, Eric Williams, Jackie Butler, and Francisco Elson, the Spurs now have four new guys that can stand around on offense while Tim Duncan does all their work. Ricky Bobby Says: 2 checkered flags.

Seattle Supersonics-Figuring that they didn't have enough big men who don't know how to play basketball (Robert Swift, Johan Petro, Nick Collison), the Sonics decided to bypass Ronnie Brewer, J.J. Redick, and Rodney Carney to select Saer Sene, who first picked up a basketball three years ago, with the 10th pick in the draft. Upon realizing that he was supposed to pick a basketball team, and not outsourced employees for Starbucks, Howard Schultz sold the team to an Oklahoma City group to focus more on his business. Ricky Bobby Says: 7 checkered flags.

Toronto Raptors-In a shocking decision, Raptor ownership has decied to move the team to Italy, claiming that they needed to "globalize" the game of basketball. Having re-named themselves the "World Raptors," Toronto set out to acquire the best players from each country not in the NBA. Unfortunately, they've only signed the best from Israel, Italy, and Greece so far. Ricky Bobby Says: 3 checkered flags.

Utah Jazz-With Chris Paul, Ronnie Brewer, Andrei Kirilenko, Carlos Boozer, and Mehmet Okur as a starting 5, the Jazz seemed ready to take the Western Conference by storm. Unfortunately, Deron Williams is the starting point guard, Ronnie Brewer makes fans pass out with his jump shot, and Kirilenko and Boozer have become pals in the training room with consistent injuries. In addition, they traded three of their best ping-pong balls to rival Golden State just to acquire Derek Fisher. Ricky Bobby Says: 2 checkered flags.

Washington Wizards-Having added Darius Songalia and a poor man's Darius Songalia in Olesiky Pecherov, the Wizards effectively cornered the market on soft Euro players that can't play inside. Of course, since the Wizards have such a good interior defense, it really shouldn't make a difference. In addition, also saw their summer league team get distracted by "disturbing the peace" in Miami Beach. Ricky Bobby Says: 4 checkered flags.

And the winner of the Ricky Bobby wheelchair to the team with the worst offseason goes to......


Isaiah Thomas and the NEW YORK KNICKS. Like you expected anyone else? Honestly?

"Isaiah! Your mind is not paralyzed. It's all in your head!"
"You don't think my mind is paralyzed? [stabs himself] OWWWWWWWWWW!"

Reggie Bush is threatening to sit out the 2006 season over a contract dispute with the New Orlean Saints. New Orleans had already sold 55,000 season tickets. Can things in New Orleans get any worse?

With a 3-1 victory over Kansas City last night, Rookie phenom Jered Weaver is now 7-0, in only 7 starts. With extraordinary numbers including a 1.15 ERA and a .79 WHIP accompanying an undefeated record, it is becoming conceivable that if Weaver doesn't lose at all this year he is both a Rookie of the Year and a Cy Young candidate. If Weaver finishes with 14 or 15 wins and no losses I think he should be considered for the awards, even though he only pitched in 6 games before the All-Star break!

The key to Weaver's amazing success on the Major-League level? Sacrifice. Specifically, Weaver is so dedicated to improving his skills on the diamond that he has given up reading. This isn't a new phenomenon though, rather Weaver has resisted the temptation of literature since he was born. What discipline...

"Books: The only one i even remember reading is Of Mice Of Men in 10th grade not a big fan of books..." - Jered Weaver's MySpace Page

British Open Sunday...a beautiful thing. ABC begins their broadcast at 8 am ET. I will be up to watch, will you? What an amazing leaderboard! Names within four strokes of the leader Tiger Woods (-13) include Adam Scott (-9), Mark Calcavecchia (-9), Angel Cabrera (-11), Jim Furyk (-11), Ernie Els (-12), Chris DiMarco (-12), and Sergio Garcia (-12). Can Tiger claim his third Claret Jug? He has never lost when leading a major after 36 holes. This should be a great Sunday.

Ricky Williams broke his arm yesterday playing for the Toronto Argonauts in the CFL...Sucks to be a Dolphins fan.


Mavericks owner Mark Cuban almost became a part-owner of the Pittsburgh Penguins, but his bid to buy the team was rejected. That is amazing news for current NHL Commish Gary Bettman.


In baseball news, the Orioles managed to score 9 runs in an inning last night against the Devil Rays and still find a way to lose.

Donovan McNabb has come out and called TO's new autobiography a "“children'’s book"”. McNabb said he got so tired of the childlike biography that he vomited while trying to finish the last chapter.

Shawn Kemp was arrested and charged yesterday with possession of marijuana. After spending a few hours in jail the distraught and bitter Kemp was released on a $500 bail. Things turned even sourer this morning, when word of Kemp'’s "“excessive monetary spending"” reached the headlines and each of his seven ex-wives showed up at his front door seeking alimony payments and child support.

Ron Artest played in the Las Vegas Summer League for the second year in a row, an uncommon act for NBA veterans. When asked what he hoped to accomplish by playing in the league, he began jumping up-and-down with a CD in his right hand, repeatedly saying, "I'’ve got my album coming out November 23. I want to go platinum or have my girls, Allure, go platinum. Novemeber 23, Novemeber 23!"”

The disgruntled Shea Hillenbrand was traded late Friday night to the San Francisco Giants in part as a result of the third baseman recently writing, "play for yourself" on a whiteboard in the Blue Jays clubhouse. The tumultuous Hillenbrand has already divided the Giants locker room as Barry Bonds is suing Hillenbrand for copyright infringement..."Ask Jeff Kent, I've been playing selfish baseball for years."”

On July 11, Jim Eriotes became the oldest player in the history of professional baseball to play in a game, when he struck out in his only at-bat with the Sioux Falls Canaries. This particular event had no impact on me as a sports fan, but I later found out that on the Today Show Eriotes insisted he could and has hit pitches thrown close to 100 MPH. Bullshit anyone? Not only do I believe Eriotes can't hit a 100 MPH pitch, but how many people can actually throw that fast? This got me thinking...who was the fastest pitcher in baseball history? Nolan Ryan? No. Sandy Koufax? No. Bob Feller? No...try career minor-leaguer Steve Dalkowski.

Many who faced Dalksowski insist he threw harder than Ryan and Koufax, but while he may have had the fastest cannon for an arm, he was also the wildest pitcher ever (explaining why he never made the Major Leagues). Combining these two extremes, Dalkowski's feats on the diamond are so mind numbing that baseball fans are left in awe and shock. Some of the great stories Dalkowski produced are:

In a high school game, Dalkowski threw a no-hit, no-run game with 18 strikeouts and 18 walks. -(Sporting News)

In an Eastern League game, Dalkowski struck out 27 and walked 16 while throwing 283 pitches. -(Sporting News)

He once threw a ball at least 450 feet on a bet. He was supposed to throw the ball from the outfield wall to home plate, but he threw it well above the plate into the press box.-(Baseball-Almanac)

One night at Kingsport, Dalkowski threw a pitch that tore off part of a batter's ear. "It made me so scared, I didn't even want to look at it," said Dalkowski. Many people believe after this incident Dalkowski feared one of errant pitches would kill someone.-(Sporting News)

During a game at Kingsport on August 31, 1957, Dalkowski struck out 24 Bluefield hitters in a single minor league game, yet lost 8-4. He had issued 18 walks, hit four batters, and threw six wild pitches.-(Wikipedia)

Dalkowski won a $5 bet with teammate Herman Starrette, who said Dalkowski couldn't throw a baseball through a wall. Dalkowski warmed up and then moved 15 feet away from the wooden outfield fence. His first pitch went right through the boards.
- (Sports Hollywood)

Some said his fastball was at least 110 MPH, while most agreed it was somewhere between 100-105 MPH. Perhaps if Dalkowski had any sense of control, he could have been one of the best pitchers ever. In fact, in 1962 he finally started to figure it out, in which his last 52 innings included 104 Ks, while walking 11, and conceding just one run. Unfortunately the following spring training, his arm went dead on a routine throw to first base. Fans can only wonder what could have been.

The Minute's back in what I hope will now be it's regular place sometime between Wednesday and Thursday...

The Twins have scheduled a "Joe Mauer Sideburn Night" where they will hand out replica sideburns with double-sided tape to the first 10,000 fans. The Twins hope the promotion will be more successful than last month’s "Dennys Reyes Beer Gut Night."

Chicago Cubs third base coach Chris Speier was arrested for driving drunk last night after he was pulled over for running a stop sign. So the Cubs have a third base coach who doesn't know when to go home and when to use the stop sign. And people wonder why they haven't won the World Series in 80 years.

Redskins owner Dan Snyder has launched a chain of sports radio stations in the Washington D.C. area. Once the stations get up and running Snyder plans to fire half the staff and doll out a few multi-million dollar contracts to mediocre talk show hosts.

Last week Ravens linebacker Roderick Green was stabbed during a fight in a Baltimore bowling alley. In order to protect Green, the Ravens have hired Walter Sobchak as a bodyguard to accompany Green on all future bowling excursions.

In case you missed Lance Armstrong's opening monologue from the ESPY's you can see it here. Armstrong was really funny, who woulda thunk it? He makes fun of the French, Jake Gyllenhaal, Bode Miller, and then the French again.

Jose Canseco only recorded one out last night and gave up four runs as the starting pitcher in the Golden Baseball League All-Star game. But it's all okay with Jose, because not only does he feel "as good as ever", but also after last night he said, "I'm going to take these guys out and get them drunk...I'm going to buy about 400 gallons of beer." As you are reading this, Jose is fighting off an earth-shattering headache and a massive hangover.

Now Let's take a cruise down Blogger Boulevard...

Tommy Morrison vs. Mike Tyson...wow I would pay good money to see that [The Mighty MJD]

The World Series of Poker is coming up and if the only poker players you know by name are Mike McDermott, Bret Maverick, Jr., and The Cincinnati Kid, check out this top 10 list of the best poker players on tour. [Gatorade Dump]

Is David Wright the next Mike Piazza, sexually speaking? [Awful Announcing]

Another Hot Girl Can't Win at Sports [Insomniac's Lounge]

The Supersonics done in Seattle? Hello Oklahoma???? [The Big Picture]

Is this reading too much into a commercial, or perhaps there is a hidden agenda here [The Roscoe! Report]

Who has been good and who has been bad in the NBA Summer League [The Jello is Jiggling]

Pee Wee Herman look-a-like wins Nascar event, can pleasure himself in winner's circle [Squeeze Play Sports]

First I would like to thank Deadspin, Baseball Musings, and Twins Geek again for kindly linking me yesterday...


Do you and your wife desperately need a break from the kids? A night off? Maybe even a weekend getaway? Well the solution to your problem lies right in front of your eyes! The Long Beach Armada baseball team, an independent baseball team in the Golden Baseball League, is seeking host families for their players.



Sign up to host a player, sneak out the backdoor with the wife for the weekend, and the ballplayer in essence becomes your babysitter for the weekend! And boy have I found the perfect Long Beach Armada "babysitter" for you...




First off, Jose isn't some young kid, but a well-traveled, cultured, experienced 43-year-old. If any of your children get a boo-boo, Jose always comes armed with a needle and syringe. The man has spent more time around needles than most medical students! Canseco is so knowledgeable in that area that congress has even invited him on multiple occasions to speak as an expert on the topic.




While this is a bit old-fashioned, plenty of parents advocate spanking their children. And if your kids act up and are in need of one, Jose isn't gun shy. The former MLBer has a storied history of using physical violence rather than words. Sure this has landed Jose in an orange jumpsuit one or two times, but in regard to the philosophy of physical abuse, isn't more better than less?




Finally, you might think "what if he doesn't interact with my kids but instead chooses to neglect them all weekend along?" Well, no worry here, Jose is a connoisseur in the genre of theater and loves getting others involved and up on the stage! Just look at the way he re-enacts this bar fight he and his brother, Ozzie, experienced in Miami Beach in 2001.


If Jose can't be trusted with your kids, who can?

I would like to thank Deadspin for linking to WBRS today. It means so much to me and I can't even begin to express how thankful I am. Deadspin is the mecca of sports blogs and I am extremely grateful to be linked their today.

To follow up on Japanese phenom Daisuke Matsuzaka, his career statistics can be found here, Also, if you stopped following the World Baseball Classic after the U.S. was ousted, Matsuzaka finished the tournament with a 3-0 record, a 1.88 ERA, and 10 K's. He was also named MVP of the inaugural World Baseball Classic.

One more note, here are three videos, clip 1 and clip 2 and my favorite, clip 3, of Matsuzaka's patented gyroball.

With some Major League teams already out of contention, their fans have free agency to look forward to. The biggest name this offseason? Daisuke
Matsuzaka...who? Daisuke Matsuzaka is the best pitcher in Japan (10-2, 2.03 ERA this year) and has expressed a desire to play in the Major Leagues next year. What distinguishes this 25-year-old Japanese pitcher from past Asian pitchers such as Hideo Nomo and Chan Ho Park? I'll tell you, his ridiculously absurd arm stamina. Here is some proof at how insane this guy's right arm is:

"Matsuzaka graduated from Yokohama High School in Japan in 1998. Matsuzaka became a national hero in 1998 when he pitched Yokohama High School into the Koshien Tournament and dominated the competition like no one before or since. In the quarterfinals of that year's Koshien national high school baseball tournament, he threw 250 pitches in 17 innings against traditional powerhouse P.L. Gakuen. In stifling heat, Matsuzaka pitched a game for the ages, emerging victorious. The very next day, in the final, he threw a no-hitter--the first ever in a final--to win both the tournament and the admiration of the nation. This performance garnered the attention of a great many scouts. After his graduation, he was taken by the Seibu Lions with the first pick of the 1998 draft." (courtesy of Wikipedia)

That might be the most amazing individual sports feat I have ever heard. 250 pitches and then a no-hitter the next day? I am in shock and disbelief. Certainly we will be hearing this guy's name a bunch this upcoming offseason. I can easily envision him in pinstripes.

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UPDATE: Here are three videos, clip 1 and clip 2 and my favorite, clip 3, of Matsuzaka's patented gyroball.

What a way to start the second half of the season for Mark Teixeira. After hitting 43 HR and 143 RBI last season, Tex only had 9 HR and 49 RBI at the midway point. However things changed yesterday when Teixeira blasted three homers vs. the Orioles in route to a 15-1 Rangers win.

And now, the best online sports game that is sweeping the world!

And now, the funniest sports commercial on television...

Well, after maybe the most boring sports day of the calendar year, baseball is back! With that our first story of the day, the Yankees have signed Sidney Ponson to be their #5 starter. Is this a joke? If I am a Red Sock or Blue Jay I am giggling like a school girl about now. The Yankees got lucky last year with Aaron Small (who has reverted back to his stinky form), don't expect them to roll a 7 again with Ponson. The man is sporting ERAs of 5.30, 6.21, and 5.24 in his past three seasons, don't expect anything to change.


News regarding the infamous "headbutt" have not died yet. Zinedine Zidane has now come out in his first television interview and said he is not responsible for headbutting Materazzi...

The reaction must be punished, but if there had been no provocation, there would have been no reaction,” he said. “Do you think that two minutes from the end of a World Cup final, two minutes from the end of my career, I wanted to do that?

I think I will never mention Zidane on this blog again. He is a moron, he hurt his team's chances significantly by being selfish and letting Materazzi's comments get to him. Here is a video of the full-length interview on TV with English subtitles.


Michelle Wie is playing on the PGA Tour this week in the John Deere Classic. She shot a 6-over par 77 today. Well, one day she will make a cut on a PGA event and one day she will win an LPGA event. But she is only 16! SO GET OFF HER BACK!

Today is perhaps the slowest day in sports, with not much going on. If you were living in a cave yesterday, the AL beat the NL 3-2, with Michael Young getting a 2-run triple in the bottom of the 9th with two outs. Young was awarded the All-Star game MVP, as seen in the picture above.

Some news on a slow day...

Aubrey Huff was traded to the Houston Astros. It is going to take more than that to improve the abysmal Houston offense.

An 83 year old dude got an at bat in a minor league game. The man, Jim Eriotes, insists if he got four at bats in a Major League game he would get at least one hit. Interesting, considering he struck out on four pitches in his only minor league at bat.

New FIFA rankings were released today, with the U.S. coming in at 16. That seems more accurate than the #4 spot they once held this April. I think they are somewhere in between 4 and 16, probably at 8 or 9.

Well with the ASB there isn't much action going on. The All-Star game is tonight @ 8 ET on Fox. If it were up to me I would prefer to watch the game on ESPN. Buck and McCarver are okay, but for a game that is really only being played for entertainment purposes I think the ESPN personalities would do a better job covering this one.

Ryan Howard edges out David Wright last evening in the Home Run Derby. The most amazing part of the night? The last Home Run to win it for Howard. Not because he had 9 outs, he only had 5. But rather, the clincher hit a sign that read "HIT IT HERE -- 500 FLIGHTS." Thus, some lucky fan won 500 airplane flights. This is one of the most bizarre prizes I have ever seen. What if the fan is not wealthy at all and can't afford to go on flights because they need to go to their job to make money? What do they do then? Even a rich SOB isn't going to use all 500 flights. Just a weird giveaway.

Now onto the NBA...a really interesting story transpired today when Mike James, arguably the best remaining free agent point guard on the market, agreed to a four-year contract with the Wolves, choosing Minnesota over both Dallas and Houston. What is so intriguing about the signing of this veteran? Just yesterday James insisted that winning a championship was priority number 1 to him. However if that was true than why wouldn't he sign with Dallas or even Houston? Well, the Rockets and Mavs only offered James three-year deals, and according to Mark Cuban, "“Minnesota offered him more money and more years. That was the most important aspect to Mike. He told me he was going to take the highest offer and he did. I don't think there is anything wrong with Mike James taking the longest deal and the most money. I just find it humorous that he said that winning was the most important factor in his decision, yet he decided to join a team that was 33-49 last season, and further his statements to the media completely contradicts what Cuban claims James personally told him.

The All-Star break is upon us and with that comes the Home-Run Derby @ 8 ET tonight on ESPN followed by the actual game, tomorrow at 8 ET on Fox. If a player from your team or fantasy team is participating in the Home-Run Derby I highly recommend you cheer against that player, so the notorious Derby Jinx isn't cast upon him.

Now to my mid-season awards...

American League

Most Valuable Player - David Ortiz Ortiz is having another monster year in Boston. With 31 HR and 87 RBI going into the break, Ortiz is on pace for career-best numbers (58 HR, 164 RBI). Not only that, but Ortiz is once again proving he is MVP worthy with his collection of game winning hits. Can a DH win the MVP? If Boston wins the East, I think so.

Cy Young - Roy Halladay With the signing of A.J. Burnett, Halladay thought things would be easier on him this season and he wouldn't have to put the entire Blue Jays rotation on his shoulders...he was wrong. Burnett has been hurt basically all year and Halladay has responded, keeping the Blue Jays in contention with his 12-2 record and 2.92 ERA. Halladay is 2-0 vs. the Red Sox and Yankees, ironically his only two losses have come against Tampa Bay and Florida.

Rookie of the Year(s) - Francisco Liriano & Jonathan Papelbon Papelbon has salvaged an otherwise below average Red Sox bullpen. 26 saves and an ERA of .59 are absurdly filthy. Liriano has been just as spectacular , going 10-1 with a 1.83 ERA. It would be impossible to take one over the other so I am picking both right now.

Manager of the Year - Jim Leyland This is really a no contest. The Tigers could go .500 in the second half of the season and Leyland would still get this award. This team was 71-91 last season and 72-90 two seasons ago. The Tigers are much improved and Leyland deserves a majority of the credit.

National League

Most Valuable Player - Albert Pujols David Wright is and will give Pujols a run for his money for this award throughout the second half, but assuming Pujols stays healthy he will ultimately end up with the hardware. Pujols has missed 17 games this season and is still leading the National League in home runs and is second in RBIs! Look for St. Louis to run away with the Central and Pujols to claim his second MVP in as many seasons.

Cy Young - Brandon Webb This award is a toss up. Candidates include Glavine, Schmidt, Penny, and Arroyo. But Webb has been the ERA leader all year long and until he stops pitching at a Cy Young level, it is his award to lose. At 27 years old and a 3.22 career ERA, Arizona should be happy they have him locked up until 2009.

Rookie of the Year - Prince Fielder The rookies in the National League certainly aren't playing as well as the American League young studs, but Prince Fielder is having a good enough year to win the award. Sure his .265 average isn't anything special, but with 16 homers and 46 rbis thus far, his big bat is adding a lot of power to the otherwise impotent Brewer lineup.

Manager of the Year - Joe Girardi This team has a total salary of approximately $15 million and at 38-48 is exceeding all expectations and the Marlins have a ton of young players who have extremely bright futures. Florida isn't playing "moneyball", but more like "welfare ball".

Wanted for murder

Enjoy this video for the weekend. This is one of the craziest things I have ever seen.

I saw Hasim Rahman talk about this on Cold Pizza a couple of months ago, but now we have some video of this extreme sport. I really want to see a wimpy chess nerd play a really huge but dumb boxer. Read this article but make sure to watch the video on the side of the article.

Here is the official website for the World Chess Boxing Organization!

Nikoloz Tskitishvili was just waived by the Blazers today after being picked up by them just last Friday. Nikoloz has now been under contract by five different NBA teams, and he is only 23! With career averages of 2.9 ppg and 1.8 rpb I think it is safe to label the man a bust. But is it too early for such a label? He is only 23! If he had gone to college he would have been drafted in this 06 draft. So maybe it isn't time to call him a bust yet, but it is awfully close.


And in an unrelated matter, this video is for your viewing pleasure. Watching this gives me such a nostalgic feeling...and yes "Bo Knows"!

Hope everyone had a great 4th of July! Now to the sports...

Takeru Kobayashi successfully defended his Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest Crown. Kobayashi has become the Tiger Woods of eating contests. Not only is he a seemingly unbeatable force, but also like Tiger he has started a fitness revolution on the eating tour...just check out those abs! If you are interested take a look at the live-blogging transcript over at Gothamist

The Jose Canseco fiasco continues...After just one game with the San Diego Surf Dawgs Canseco has asked to be traded. His reason is justified though, as "child custody responsibilities require him to be in the Los Angeles area for more time than he anticipated." I don't have a problem with this, but I would like to know if I can get a refund on the Canseco Surf Dawg jersey I just ordered online last evening! What a bunch of crap this is!

Now some links...

Breakdown of the top free agent moves thus far in the NBA off season at The Gatorade Dump

Analysis of the Big Ben to Chicago signing at Sweaty Men Endeavors

Undrafted college players are playing in the NBA summer league...The Jello is Jiggling identifies where exactly some of these guys are playing.

Jose Canseco, the more "vocal" of the bash brothers, is now playing for the San Diego Surf Dawgs, of the independent league. When I say playing, I don't just mean DHing, but pitching as well. Yes, I said he will be pitching for the Surf Dawgs as well! Apparently, the manager has been quoted as saying Canseco, "will showcase his knuckleball as a member of the team's pitching staff." But that is only half the story...Canseco has pitched in the majors. In fact he has only pitched once, but the story is quite comical...

"Canseco made one big league pitching appearance, working the final inning for the Texas Rangers in a 15-1 loss to the Boston Red Sox on May 29, 1993. He walked the bases loaded and allowed three runs and two hits. He threw 12 strikes and 21 balls, most of which were far from the strike zone.

But he tore a ligament in his elbow, ending his season. He said he felt a sharp pain in his elbow on his second pitch, but stayed in and threw 31 more pitches."

So the moron hurts his arm, then the outfielder continues to pitch through it, down 15-1...unbelievable. I think we can conclude that steroids must have some effect on one's I.Q. Anyways, he debuted last evening for the Surf Dawgs. I had read that he had been working out and had stayed in baseball shape, so I expected a few hits from a borderline hall of famer in an independent league. Well, I think the results speak for themselves: 0-3, 3 strikeouts and 1 hit by pitch. Hopefully his knuckleball has more success than his bat has thus far in the highly touted independent league.

The rosters for the American and National League All-Stars, released last evening, can be best described as atrocious. Certainly the system within itself is flawed: Every team should not have at least one representative and the game should not determine what team wins home field advantage for the World Series. However, those are imperfections within the system...I am here today complaining about the actual All-Star selections. So let the chastising and correcting begin:

American League

Francisco Liriano replaces Mark Buehrle: I haven't seen an injustice like this sense the Seahawks had to play the Steelers AND the officials in Super Bowl XL. Buehrle's 3.89 ERA is astronomical in comparison to Liriano's miniscule 1.99 ERA. Further, Liriano has been dominating recently and has now become one of the front-runners for the Cy Young award. Buehrle got hammered in his most recent start and there is no logic at all in choosing someone with an ERA of almost 4 instead of perhaps the best pitcher in baseball right now.

Jimmy Gobble replaces Mark Redman: It is unfortunate that every team has to have a representative, but that is life. However, Redman has been awful this year. Ozzie should have selected Jimmy Gobble instead. Not only is Gobble's ERA and strikeout rate better, but his name is Gobble! I just want to hear the PA announcer say "Gobble". Otherwise, I don't really care which crappy Royals pitcher makes the team.

Travis Hafner instead of Gary Matthews Jr.: Matthews' catch was ridiculous a few evenings ago and he is having a career year. But even given that, Hafner's season trumps Matthews performance thus far. Hafner is leading Matthews in hr, rbi, obp, slg, and ops. I'm not really sure if any more arguing is neccesary. If Michael Young wasn't on the All-Star team as well then I understand Matthews Jr. being here, however Young is, so I have to replace GMJ with Hafner.

Meanwhile, for Curt Schilling and Mike Mussina, I don't know what else to say except "I'm sorry". Yes, you two are having all-star years but I think every pitcher on the AL roster deserves to be there with the exception of Buehrle and Redman, and I have already found other candidates to replace them.

National League

Michael Barrett over Paul Lo Duca: Lo Duca might be the least deserving, aside from Mark Redman. Lo Duca is hitting just .288 and if he weren't in New York I am fairly certain he wouldn't be on the All-Star (voted in by NY fans). Meanwhile, not only is Barrett playing some great ball this year, but he has one hell of a right hook.

Billy Wagner rather than Derrick Turnbow: I am so confused. Why is Turnbow on this team? Clearly Wagner is the better closer, is having a better year, and is more deserving. It isn't like Turnbow is the team's lone rep, Carlos Lee is a reserve. When Turnbow gives up a run in the All-Star game, I'm sure the NL had wished Wagner was there instead.

Finally, Nomar Garciaparra has to get on the NL team somehow, and he most likely will via the final-vote in. Nomar is having a comeback year and is certainly worthy of being on the squad.

Could I actually advocate watching women's golf? Yes. 36 holes will be played on Sunday in the 2006 U.S. Women's Open. Heading into the final 18, both Wie and Sorenstam are leading at even par. Michelle Wie might actually win something...wow we could be watching history here! The third round will be on ESPN2 and begining at 3 PM things start on NBC.

If you are looking to watch something this evening, the Subway Series is never a bad thing. Rubber match, 8:05 start on ESPN.

Some news....

Upon losing to Portugal, David Beckham resigns as captain of the England soccer team and cries in the process. He isn't even retiring, only givin up his "C". I can't remember the last time an athlete bawled like a baby as a result of relieving himself from his captain duties. Meanwhile, Beckham also announced that he may play in the MLS in American in a few years...that would certainly help American soccer!

We are starting to see verbal agreements on contract extensions between NBA teams and players. So far, Carmelo Anthony and Jason Terry have resigned. Lebron is expected to resign also.

UPDATE: Free Agency started today and there has already been a ton of movement. Cassell resigns with the Clips, Radmonovic goes to the Lakers, Tim Thomas to the Clips, and Peja to the Hornets. Details here... Further, Chicago is meeting with Ben Wallace, in hopes of luring him away from Detroit.

Last night the Texas Rangers lost to the Houston Astros 7-0, but Gary Matthews Junior may have had the "play of the year" robbing Mike Lamb of a home run. If you haven't seen the play yet, please watch! This certainly helps his hopes of making his first all-star team.



Link of the Day: The Jello is Jiggling discusses the brilliance of Bryan Colangelo.

I think Carlton's actions in this video best personify how a Knicks fan felt when the name "Renaldo Balkman" left the lips of David Stern.

Check out our draft grades for each team below...