WBRS Sports Blog

At Wade Phillips' press conference, introducing himself as the next Dallas Cowboys head coach:

"Terrell Owens," Phillips said, smiling wide. "I did say his name. Terrell Owens." "He's part of the Dallas Cowboys family. So he's part of my family," Phillips added. "We are going to trust each other. We are going to be loyal to each other and have a common purpose."

And with that, we give you Terrell Owens and Wade Phillips, at the family dinner table...

Wade: Terrell, could you pass me the bread?

TO: I don't pass the bread, the bread gets passed to me. Anyways, let me get some first. Somethings gotta feed these washboard abs.



Wade: You know, part of Jerry's hiring process included reading your book to find "the real Terrell Owens", not the one the media depicts. And I know you are going to share that bread just like you shared that football in your book.

TO: Oh yeah, I do share the ball in my book, don't I? That's why bookstores keep it in their fiction section. Anyways, that was Drew's idea, not mine.

Wade: It was?

TO: Of course it was. The only thing I share in this world is blame. But don't worry Wade, I'm like the Red fuckin' Cross when it comes to handing that shit out.

Wade: Terrell you don't need to curse, do you? And can you please pass me the bread?

TO: I like you Wade, I really do. Bill was starting to get on my nerves. Always running the ball, it bothered me. He didn't understand that I want the ball, I need the ball, I am the ball.

Wade: You are the ball?

TO: That's right Wadey Poo.

Wade: The ball is made out of pigskin.

TO: Yea...I know. Terrell's ready for dessert. Terrell's gonna get him some dessert.

(TO exits the room and fixes himself some dessert in the kitchen. A mildly irate Phillips calms himself down by getting a breath of fresh air outside in his garden. He successfully releases his anger with a leg chop to his Doug Flutie garden gnome. Flutie's head flings across the garden and Phillips returns to the dinning room as Terrell reappears from the kitchen with a dessert in hand.)

Wade: Umm, you know Terrell I saw the way you ran Parcells out of town right into retirement. I don't know if you know this but I ran my dad out of New Orleans in 1985, only to take over the job myself.

TO: I respect that Wade. I like the way you operate.

Wade: Thank you, Terrell. I am glad to hear that we are now seeing eye to eye. What is that you are eating by the way?

TO: Vanilla ice cream sprinkled with prozac crunchies. Mmm...My favorite.

Wade: Hmm. That seems to be a trend in the NFL locker rooms I have been in lately. Merriman had a similar dessert, only a little bit stronger.

TO:Interesting. Maybe you can get that recipe for me.

Wade:I'll see what I can do, Terrell. Can I finally have the damn bread?

(Terrell picks up the bread and attempts to pass it to Wade but it falls in the middle of the table)

TO: Oops. I Romoed it.



Wade: Hey, if things don't work out with Mr. Homo (TO giggles), then I think my man-servant can handle the job.

(As Phillips escorts TO out of the house, Rob Johnson begins clearing the dishes.)