Tuesday, August 01, 2006
Landis Carved Into Mount Shamemore
Late last evening the life of Tour de France champion Floyd Landis took a sharp turn for the worst. Although he insisted his abnormally large quantities of testosterone were 100% naturally produced, the results beg to differ. And with that it is only natural to carve Landis' face up on the notorious Mount Shamemore.
Landis is going to have to answer a lot of tough questions from the press over the next few days. I recommend he turn to the fellow heads on the mountain for advice...
Rafael Palmeiro: "Tell them that Lance Armstrong gave you a Vitamin B-12 shot. But it is essential that when you explain this you point your finger at the reporters over and over. Do it so often that they might be tempted to pull your finger thinking you are about to fart."
Barry Bonds: "Before I give you some advice, rub my big, bald head. You know I never thought my head would be bigger than Pedro Cerrano's massive melon...you live, you learn. Now look, this is a rather simple process. Tell the reporters that you 'unknowingly' injected testosterone into your body. If you didn't know you were doing it than technically it isn't your fault. In fact, it might be the substance's fault itself."
Jose Canseco: "Wow my eyes are lighting up with dollar signs right about now. Admit you took synthetic testosterone, write a book about it, and in the novel say that you personally injected Lance Armstrong with illegal substances. Trust Jose and you will never fail."
Landis is going to have to answer a lot of tough questions from the press over the next few days. I recommend he turn to the fellow heads on the mountain for advice...
Rafael Palmeiro: "Tell them that Lance Armstrong gave you a Vitamin B-12 shot. But it is essential that when you explain this you point your finger at the reporters over and over. Do it so often that they might be tempted to pull your finger thinking you are about to fart."
Barry Bonds: "Before I give you some advice, rub my big, bald head. You know I never thought my head would be bigger than Pedro Cerrano's massive melon...you live, you learn. Now look, this is a rather simple process. Tell the reporters that you 'unknowingly' injected testosterone into your body. If you didn't know you were doing it than technically it isn't your fault. In fact, it might be the substance's fault itself."
Jose Canseco: "Wow my eyes are lighting up with dollar signs right about now. Admit you took synthetic testosterone, write a book about it, and in the novel say that you personally injected Lance Armstrong with illegal substances. Trust Jose and you will never fail."
10 Comments:
I took steroids. Where is my spot on the mountain?
Given that cycling is barely a sport, can we perhaps just make Floyd the Park Ranger who gives tours of the mountain?
Funny stuff. The proper bloggies authorities have been alerted.
*Wink*!
photoshop is just great!
"The proper bloggies authorities"...I can only wonder what kind of mysterious authorities you speak of.
Good stuff. :D
Funny Shit.
Where is Mark Mcgwire on this mountain? Or did he not want to be remembered for his past...because he is here to talk about the future?
Cycling sucks. Who cares if he doped? Everyone does it in that sport.
Palmeiro told Landis to start making viagra commercials to distract the public...Landis said he doesnt need viagra because his body naturally produces super sperm and 10 hour erections.
Post a Comment
Links to this post:
Create a Link
<< Home